Today we have some tips on how to count. If you're a minimalist (and if you define your life by what you don't have or what you don't do instead of by the things that you care about and the things that you're fortunate to have, you are) you probably have a hard time counting, like this douche. So while you're obsessing over your personal belongings (even though you claim not to be interested in them) here are some tips to make you feel better about your life. Tip 1) don't count things that you don't really feel like counting, like cords. As we all know from reading Far Beyond my Douche Chill, cords are annoying. So they don't count. Also it's not really a possession, sort of like how furniture, appliances, books, silverware, plates and other eating implements, beds, bedding, underwear, toiletries, and probably make up don't count as possessions. I mean, GOD, we're trying to live a life that's free of the things I just listed there. How are we supposed to feel good about ourselves if we count them as possessions!!? Tip 2) when you do count things, make sure they are desperate items that consumers buy in order to make themselves feel a certain way. In this case: white and over-privileged.
Look at some of the things on this fucking list:
Frye Boots (do they make those for men?)
Blue V-Neck
Grey V-Neck
Grey V-Neck
Grey T-Shirt
Black V-Neck
1 TB Harddrive
500 GB Harddrive
Macbook Pro 13inch
Canon Digital Rebel XTI
16-35mm 2.8L Lens
50mm Lens
Off-camera Flash
Headphones
iPhone
Moleskin
Could this prick be any more bougie? He's literally got more clothing and tech-gadgets than I do, and I'm not basing my entire persona around being a minimalist, am I? Fuck no.
doc martin's, a leather jacket, a pink hoodie: so minimalist! wait- a PINK. FUCKING. HOODIE?! and i dont even know what the fuck "Moleskin" is. i guess that staying fashionable is important in minimalism.
ReplyDeletejesus, the buddha, gandhi, mohammad, santa, satan, and zeus are all shaking violently with rage.
henry david thoreau woulda just grabbed Everett by the face, stared ferociously into his eyes for a second, subsequently head-butting that pussy bitch unconscience.
so let me say this: anyone who doesn't enjoy thoreau was most likely just brainwashed by their lit professor who preaches collectivism yet drives a BMW while working a mere 15 hours a week...
...but anyone who doesn't respect thoreau, but yet somehow finds everett bogue inspiring? lord help me, for these persons need to suffer agonizing emotional and physical pain repeatedly for great lengths of time.
One way to get under 100 items quick is to get a girlfriend who has lots of stuff. Her bed doesn't count, neither does her apartment, her car, her kitchen utensils, her couch, her sheets, or her condoms.
ReplyDeleteDigital stuff doesn't count because, well, it's cool. Even if you paid for it, you're not really a wage-slave consumer if you have 500 Kindle books, right?